


better than to be alone

by Finnis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 08:03:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20404387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finnis/pseuds/Finnis
Summary: Skipping down the sidewalk and letting the hushed whispers fall on deaf ears came to him like the most natural thing in the world. He’d always been the weird one – monster was the name that stuck with him all his childhood. It didn’t bother him. At least that’s what he adamantly tried to make himself believe.Meeting familiar faces in Tokyo was not what Tendou had planned, not what he had wanted.





	better than to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> I love making my fav characters suffer? It just makes me happy.
> 
> Technically I should be studying for my exams but I honestly don't want to, ugh. so i'll delay that a little longer
> 
> Inspiration came from "Ready to Start" by Arcade Fire.

Skipping down the sidewalk and letting the hushed whispers fall on deaf ears came to him like the most natural thing in the world. He’d always been the weird one – monster was the name that stuck with him all his childhood. It didn’t bother him. At least that’s what he adamantly tried to make himself believe.

* * *

Tendou Satori _prided _himself with the fact that he stuck out like a sore thumb. Crimson-coloured hair resembling some kind of unholy creature, eyes that burned holes into your soul and a grin so unsettling it made shivers run down your spine. That was Tendou for you.

He’d never tried to disguise his weirdness. That was what he believed to be his strength, accepting things the way they were. Tendou embraced the role that was thrust upon him – being the weirdo, the odd one out, a _complete and utter loser_.

It made life easier that way and it certainly fit his image. So it was only natural for him – an outcast – to get by as a hermit as soon as graduation came and went by. Obviously he couldn’t cut off _all _of his ties. He’d tried that before – it had gone horribly wrong when Eita and Wakatoshi had shown up on his doorstep at three in the morning, throwing pebbles at his window and demanding answers he couldn’t possibly give. He hadn’t expected anything different from hot-headed Eita, really – but Wakatoshi?

But it was what it was. There were only six numbers saved in his contact list, and it was enough for him. College had him busy as hell, so there weren’t that many occasions to meet up. It didn’t bother him – he’d rather spend his time alone than annoy any of his… _friends_. Tendou wasn’t even sure he was allowed to call them that. Of course they went through years of volleyball together, but back then they literally _had _to get along with him. If they wanted to get rid of him now, it wouldn’t have surprised him. So when the regular messages turned into irregular messages and then finally halted, he didn’t mind. He had prepared for this, had built walls around his heart and closed his eyes – metaphorically speaking.

After all, he didn’t need anyone and certainly no one needed him.

So this was only for the best.

* * *

College went by easily enough. After all he had chosen one he was sure none of his old _friends _had applied to. Getting into art school wasn’t even all that hard, at least not the Digital Arts courses. Although he could not even draw a stick figure if his life depended on it he felt at home in the photographic studio. Tendou never thought of his pictures as brilliant or breathtaking or anything other than mundane, really – but they’d accepted him anyway, and for that he was grateful. And besides, taking pictures was fun.

So yes, you could say he had a pretty good life. He’d graduated from a powerhouse school, was enrolled in a fine university, the dorms didn’t exactly suck and by part-time working he had some extra cash to spend now and then. Only his social life had been lacking, but sometimes you just had to make sacrifices.

Spending time cooped up in his dorm room when the lessons ended became a habit fast – he visited his mother every few weeks, of course, and he obviously went out to job, but besides that there were no incentives for him to set a foot outside anymore. Somehow he’d managed to snag a single room and despite the perpetual feeling of loneliness he tried to deny, it was pretty good. Tendou could stay up as late as he wanted, didn’t need to clean up regularly just because of some nagging roommate and didn’t have to endure awkward small talk. No one there to look at him with pity in their eyes when he woke during the early hours of dawn, coated in sweat and clutching at his shirt, echoes of _You’re not good enough, you never were _and _They’re so glad to finally be rid of you, that’s why they don’t text _whirring around in his mind. All in all, it seemed too good to be true.

Of course it wouldn’t last.

* * *

He’d been daydreaming when it happened. Ice cream seemed like such a good idea in the blazing heat of the midsummer sun, and it was all that occupied his mind as he made his way to the parlour. Idly he stepped over a crack in the road, hands in his pockets and ignoring the ongoing clamour around him. Despite its prettiness, Tokyo still was a noisy city.

Slightly humming to himself, Tendou avoided a man in a suit who seemed to be highly uncomfortable. One of the reasons he had chosen photography as his major was exactly that: not needing to wear a suit, like, _ever_. It wasn’t that he disliked them or anything, but businessmen always looked so menacing, as if they were out for blood, _his_ blood. He shuddered as his gaze met the man’s. That’s what the kids in art school whispered to each other – businessmen would drink your blood. Of course they were only joking, even he knew that, yet he still couldn’t completely shake the feeling that there had to be at least a grain of truth to it. Tendou decided not to dwell on it for too long and resumed walking.

Sadly, his mind had been a little too occupied and he couldn’t possibly avoid the collision that was bound to happen.

Tendou shrieked as he tried to regain balance by flailing his arms around wildly, which didn’t help much. The stranger cursed under their – his? – breath, but only stumbled a few steps backwards.

“What the fuck? Can’t you look where you’re going?” By the sound of it the other rubbed his head.

His voice sounded eerily familiar and for a moment, Tendou didn’t dare to look up in fear of having his suspicions confirmed. When he did, his eyes met warm brown ones. The other gasped, his mouth hanging open.

“_Satori_?”

His voice sounded surprised – shocked even – and Tendou cringed inwardly. God, this was awkward, why did it have to happen to _him _of all people?

“Hey there Semisemi,” he rasped out. Immediately he cleared his throat, shuffling from one foot to the other. The back of his neck started to feel sweaty and not just from the sun, standing high in the sky.

Semi narrowed his eyes and seemingly scrutinized his face for a few moments. He nodded slightly to himself. Then he tilted his head to the right, his gaze never leaving Tendou. “What the fuck, Satori?”

It sounded both accusing and relieved. Getting mixed signals was the last thing he wanted at this point. Tendou chuckled to make the situation more bearable. It rang hollowly in his own ears, sounding impossibly fake.

“Long time no see, huh?”

Semi huffed and the corners of his mouth turned down. “If by ‘Long time no see’ you mean ‘I’m a dickhead for not reaching out to you’ then yes, indeed.”

The redhead stared at him incredulously. “What does- what do you mean?”

His former _friend_ frowned at him, the crease between his brows deepening as someone bumped into his arm. They kind of clogged the entire sidewalk, but neither of them cared about that right now. “You could at least have texted me your number, don’t you think? I’m sure the others gave it to you," he spat, mouth curling in disgust.

“I don’t– Why would I need to? You already _have _my number?” His voice sounded so questioning it left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

Semi scrunched up his nose. “I literally have no one’s number!” He dug around in his pocket to fish out a phone and wave it in Tendou’s face, almost smacking him. “I got a new phone, and now all the previous numbers are gone!” He sighed, annoyed.

The sun bore down on them almost mercilessly and Tendou could feel his throat getting drier by the minute. He swallowed, a painful sensation, and continued staring at the other.

Clicking his tongue, Semi shot him an irritated look. “Don’t you have anything to say?”

Tendou scrambled for an answer. “I- That is- They didn’t-“ This was getting ridiculous. He could almost feel Semi rolling his eyes at him, exasperation clear on his face. He should just _leave_. There had to be a reason why he didn’t know about Semi’s new number – maybe the others had known all along and this was just some grand scheme to make him look stupid.

He supressed the urge to groan and slap his face with his hands - surely they wouldn’t go that far.

Semi eyed him carefully now. “Do you-“ he broke off, seemingly rephrasing the sentence in his head- “have you got your phone with you?”

Tendou felt himself shaking his head before he even processed the question. He wanted to facepalm – this was just Semi. They had been _friends_ before, right? So there was no need for him to act like this.

“Ah, that’s too bad,” Semi said frowning. “I’d love to have gotten the others’ numbers again.” He shrugged.

The redhead forced a smile on his face, feeling his face split unnaturally. “Sorry, Semisemi,” he grinned, “but I’m not as much of a phone addict as you. I’m not as wretched as you.”

Semi’s mouth quirked upwards ever so slightly and Tendou couldn’t help but cringe. Why did he always have to make a fool of himself? “Whatever.” He reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled something pencil-shaped out. Upon closer inspection it seemed to be a kajal.

“What, are you gonna redraw your eyeliner right now?” Tendou chuckled, not even doubting the fact that Semi would actually do this.

Semi’s cheeks flushed pink and – oh. The blush spread up to the tips of his ears which glistened as they caught the sunlight. Well, not the ears themselves but rather the metal studs and piercings clipped to them. Tendou spotted something that looked like a helix piercing and a metal bar that went through the outer shell of the ear – what was it called, an industrial? He whistled softly, when Semi’s sharp voice snapped him back into reality.

“Obviously not,” the ash-blond snarled. “Give me your arm.”

Tendou raised his eyebrow, but relented nonetheless. There was no need to aggravate Semi any further.

Semi uncapped the pen and grabbed his arm. After putting the cap between his teeth, he hastily scrawled something on Tendou’s forearm. “I bet you don’t remember your number, dumbass,” he mumbled. “So here’s mine.”

When he let go of the redhead’s arm, Tendou could see that the chicken scratch actually did resemble something like a phone number. Semi capped the pen and stowed it in the pocket of his jacket. Tendou wasn’t sure why he was wearing one to begin with.

“Don’t smudge it.”

Tendou lifted his eyes and reeled backwards when he met Semi’s inquiring gaze. “Why?” He asked softly.

The other boy exhaled, knowing it wasn’t directed at his last statement. “Satori, you idiot, we’re friends. Just because I haven’t talked to you in a while doesn’t mean I totally forgot about you.”

“Anyway,” he continued after getting no confirmation from Tendou, “be sure to send me the others’ numbers.”

_Ah,_ Tendou thought to himself, _so that’s the actual reason. _He nodded, feeling himself grin, as something inside him fell – and shattered. “Sure, Semisemi.”

The ash-blond shot him a suspicious glare but didn’t comment on it. “And don’t try to withdraw again,” he held his finger up to shush Tendou as the other started to object, “or I’ll ask your mom where you study and then I’ll definitely pay you a visit. Now you’ve got no reason not to text me.” Semi smiled smugly, probably patting himself on the shoulder in his mind.

Tendou was frozen on the spot, but Semi was oblivious to it.

“But anyway,” he kept going on, “I’ve really got to run, or I won’t make it back in time for training. We’ve got a practice match coming up. Wish me luck!”

And with that he gave a slap to Tendou’s shoulder and rushed past him, only shortly turning around to shoot him another grin.

“Sure,” Tendou sighed, but the other was already gone.

* * *

The sun went down earlier in autumn and the world was basked in golden light and warm colours shorter and shorter as the days turned gray.

Some time had passed, and Tendou had actually contacted Semi. Well, he had given him the others’ contact information and chatted as little as possible, declining each and every invitation to go out. Semi probably just felt sorry for him.

He’d rather spend his time alone anyway. Well, almost alone. Tendou had one itsy-bitsy guilty pleasure regarding one person. Wakatoshi had been his very best _friend_ after all and his feelings toward the big guy hadn’t changed all that much during the year they’d spent apart. So sometimes Tendou would find himself attending one of his games in Tokyo, watching him shine in all his glory and always disappearing a few minutes before the games ended. Some days he’d spot Goshiki or Shirabu among the crowd, but after the first awkward encounter he had made sure to bring along a baseball-cap and inconspicuous clothing.

But of course it’d have to blow up in his face someday.

It was a game like every other; the crowd cheered, sneakers squeaked against the hall floor and Wakatoshi was the centre of attention. Even though he was a newcomer to the national team his name was quite known in the volleyball scene. He just had something that attracted your eyes to him – be it his never-ending calm, his beautiful form or his sheer power.

It was mesmerizing, even more so than usual. Tendou couldn’t avert his gaze as Wakatoshi’s team scored point after point, never once losing their margin. He spared a glance at the score board and was disappointed to see that it was already getting close to a match ball for the second set – not that he didn’t like Wakatoshi succeed, but-

As he tried to finish that thought Wakatoshi jumped, spiking the ball across the field. The opposing libero dived and Tendou’s whole body twisted in anticipation, his head whipping around, clenched fists resting on the railing in front of him. His breath hitched when the ball touched down, not even a hand away from the field markings. The libero’s outstretched hand came flat onto the ground as he skidded to a stop and a frustrated noise erupted from his throat as the crowd – or at least part of it – cheered.

Watching Ushijima play volleyball kind of hurt. He had stopped playing right after graduation, dropping the sport for good. It had felt right in the heat of the moment, like he’d made amends with his past to start completely anew. But every time he saw Wakatoshi – be it on screen or live in action – he was reminded of how much he’d loved it. The pure look of terror on his opponent’s faces, the feeling of being the one in control, working in a team, trusting each other – god, he missed all of it, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that wasn’t the case.

Despite his nostalgic thoughts Tendou could feel his face split into a wide grin. He locked eyes with a fan on the opposite side of the stadium, whose face was contorted into something resembling disbelief. He sneered and the man didn’t even try to hide his contempt, opting to shoot him a dark look instead.

During the stare down he’d missed the teams bowing and the captains shaking hands, one team leaving with hunched shoulders and one with renewed vigor. Although he enjoyed riling up the other guy he really wanted to get going. Slipping on his jacket he zigzagged through the excited crowd and hopped down the stairs leading to the foyer.

Ushijima stuck out like a skyscraper amongst clay huts. He was surrounded by squealing boys as well as a group of girls seemingly around their age, who fawned over him. He looked so lost and confused that Tendou couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, which was the reason why he casually strutted up to him, pushing through the cluster of people to sling an arm around Wakatoshi’s shoulder. He lazily eyed the people surrounding them and grinned, which scared off enough of them. When he was satisfied he let go of the other’s shoulders, feeling self-conscious once again. He laughed awkwardly.

“Hey, Wakatoshi-kun.”

“Satori,” the other responded nonchalantly, his voice showing not even a hint of emotion, but Tendou saw something glint in his eyes

He rubbed his neck, a soft smile adorning his face. “Why don’t we talk somewhere else?” He dreaded Ushijima’s answer – what if he declined, simply not wanting to talk to him?

“Sure,” Wakatoshi complied, successfully interrupting his thought process. He lead them outside and Tendou worried for a second. Wakatoshi was still clad in his sport clothes, what if he caught a cold in the cool autumn evening? He tried to brush it off. This wouldn’t take long.

They decided to settle down on a bench hidden from the main entrance and possible spectators by a few wilting trees.

“I have not heard from you in a long time, Satori,” Wakatoshi commented calmly.

Tendou leaned back, eyes trained on the twinkling stars above them. “Haven’t heard from you either,” he muttered. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see Wakatoshi raising an eyebrow at him.

“I have been very busy,” he stated, as if listing facts. “I am sorry, I should have reached out to you earlier. I hope you do not hold that against me.”

The redhead’s whipped around to face his _friend. _“Wha- No, that’s not- I would _never_,” he expressed vehemently, forming an ‘X’ with his arms to underline it.

Wakatoshi cocked his head slightly; it could’ve passed as a kicked-puppy-look if he wasn’t so stoic. “Why have you not reached out?"

Tendou angled his body so he wouldn’t have to keep looking at the other. He wanted to lie; wanted to say he tried, but he couldn’t lie to Wakatoshi.

Instead he shrugged. “Didn’t wanna bother ya,” he mumbled.

Wakatoshi clumsily laid a hand on his shoulder. “You are not a bother, Satori,” he stated softly.

Tendou hummed, as if he agreed, carefully inspecting his nails to avoid facing the other.

Wakatoshi opened his mouth to continue. “So wh-“ he started, when a yell of ‘Ushijima!’ cut him off. He perked up, rising to his feet. “I believe we will depart now,” he said, something like disappointment audible in his voice, sticking his hand out as if expecting something.

Relief washed over Tendou like a warm wave and he visibly relaxed. “Ah, what a pity,” he remarked airily – although he partly meant it. He _did _feel bad that their get-together had to be cut short like this, after all he’d missed the other. He stood up as well to shake Wakatoshi’s hand. At least he could try to be polite.

But as he reached out and grasped the other’s hand, Wakatoshi tugged and pulled him closer, enveloping him into a hug. Tendou choked, freezing up completely. It only lasted for the fraction of a second, but it made his heart stop.

Wakatoshi let go of him and rushed back inside, probably meeting his already impatient coach, after getting a promise of ‘I’ll text you’ out of Tendou – seemingly satisfied with himself, leaving Tendou out in the crisp air of a night in October.

* * *

Snow piled up on the sidewalks, due to it being an exceptionally cold winter not turning into snow slush, and Tendou loved nothing more than spending his free time in coffee shops nursing a hot chocolate, watching the passerby’s struggle with the buttons of their coats and gloves.

That was what he did now as well. Winter break had just begun and he had more than enough time on his hands to do what he wanted. Tendou had taken his new camera – an early gift from his mother – with him to record a pedestrian slipping here or a particular beautiful scenery there, and nothing was funnier than sorting through the pictures later on. Bags stood by his feet, filled to the brim with your usual groceries like manga, instant ramen and energy drinks. Ah, this would turn out to be a perfect Saturday evening.

The sun started to set earlier in the winter and he could see the first glimpses of darkness starting to show up at 4pm. Tendou sighed, chugging the last of his cup of cocoa and coughing a little as he choked on a marshmallow. Licking the remains of chocolate from the corners of his mouth he waved to get the attention of a waitress and paid for his drink.

While balancing both his bags and his camera he tried opening the door and failed miserably – until someone pushed from the outside, letting a gust of cold air inside as well. He shivered and mumbled a thanks to the stranger.

His dorm was only a few blocks away but he still dreaded the journey. Groaning, Tendou started to walk.

The track back was peaceful. Snow fell and got stuck in his hair and on his coat, melting shortly after and leaving little wet spots. The air in front of him clouded every time he breathed out. It could have been perfect if his nose wasn’t running so badly. God, he would’ve loved to be able to wipe his nose.

When he – finally – arrived he let himself in with his set of keys and deposited his purchases where they belonged. Sometimes he really felt like a functioning adult.

After he had put everything away he plopped down onto the couch, taking one of the newly-bought manga with him. He’d been looking forward to buying this one particularly – it was a classic. Pure, unaltered beauty. The perfect mix between science fiction and a psychological drama, technology and feelings. Traumatized protagonists, the apocalypse, children in giant robots fighting against angelic aliens – just fantastic. Even Oikawa couldn’t turn this down.

As he settled down, cuddling into his favourite blanket and an energy drink opened on the table beside him, totally absorbed in what was going on, he almost missed the knock on his door. But just almost.

He paused with fingers hovering in the air, ready to turn the page, and listened carefully. The sound didn’t repeat itself, he’d probably just misheard. He shook his head, concentrating on the manga in front of him once again. Then it knocked again.

Slightly annoyed he untangled his body from the abundance of pillows and absolute fluff and stood to get the door. His feet made slapping sounds on the cold floor and he unconsciously curled his toes inward. Carefully he removed the lock from the door.

"Hello?” He called out quietly. This definitely could be a murderer and he didn’t want to make himself any more vulnerable than he necessarily had to.

The door hit him square in the face when an outside force pushed against it. “Satori, my guy!” An excited voice shouted.

Tendou stepped back to take the person in front of him fully in. Not as tall as him, well-built and brown-haired with an undercut and sharp eyes. It was in fact not a murderer – well, unless Hayato had gotten himself a new hobby now.

Hayato strutted forward, not even waiting for an invitation to get inside and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “How’ve you been?”

The redhead stared at him, completely baffled. His jaw dropped open as the other grinned good naturedly at him. “What the fuck?”

He laughed. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, man! What’s up?”

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He shouldn’t have shown up here. Tendou had been so damn careful to cover his tracks. How did he- “How do you even know where I live?”

Hayato seemed to have expected that question. Deliberately careful he studied his nails. “Oh, you know, the usual,” he answered smugly, as if it was obvious, “I paid a visit to your mum.”

Tendou had just shut his mouth as it fell open again. “You visited my _mother_?”

He nodded, a happy smile decorating his face. “Yeah, she was really cool. Offered me cookies and stuff. I think she was really glad that I asked for you.” He winked. “Maybe you should start calling me ‘dad’ now.”

He shuddered and not just from the cold air rushing inside through the open door. Tendou shuffled away to close it, just wanting to occupy his hands somehow.

“But yeah,” Hayato continued, unaffected, “she told me that you study here. Damn, I never would have guessed you’d be the one to get into art?” He sat down on the couch. “Always thought Eita would maybe do that – but you?”

It sounded accusing, condescending and he bristled ever so slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing bro, I think it’s totally cool.” Hayato grinned, patting the spot beside him as if inviting Tendou to sit down next to him – as if the place belonged to him. He complied nonetheless.

“So what exactly do you want here?”

“Can’t I just visit one of my best friends?

There was that word again. _Friends. _They all threw it around so easily, as if they actually meant it. He gritted his teeth, willing himself to swallow down the bile rising in his throat. “I guess you can,” he replied smiling.

“And anyway, you haven’t been to any of our outings lately,” Hayato went on. “We missed you, dude. It’s just not the same without you.”

Humming in affirmation seemed to be the best course of action, so that was what he did.

“So what do ya say, wanna come out to the bar tonight? I know a few pretty good places around town,” he finished proudly. “Doesn’t even have to be everyone – how about we just catch up for now? No Eita, no Wakatoshi, no Oohira, just the two of us.”

The sensation came up again – it felt like Semi and Ushijima all over again. He went rigid, his breathing slowed and drops of sweat rolled down his neck. He willed himself to keep it together, to just get _through _with it.

“Ah, I’m so sorry, Hayato” he drawled slowly as the seconds ticked by and the other expected an answer, “but I’m not feeling too hot at the moment. Y’know, winter got to me pretty good.”

Hayato furrowed his brows, seemingly not convinced.

Tendou made a pitiful sneezing sound and forced his body to shudder. “I think I’d rather be left alone for the time being, ‘til I’m like, completely healthy again. Don’t wanna infect you.” He grinned and hoped it looked persuading enough.

The other seemed to consider that. “Alright,” he relented after shooting Tendou another suspicious look. He got up to stretch, his joints cracking and Tendou flinched. His eyes suddenly lit up and Tendou feared what he was about to say. “How about I bring over some chicken broth? My mom made it for me every time I was ill! And we could still spend time together! My apartment’s not even that far away.”

The colour drained from his face and he gulped nervously. “I don’t think… that’s such a good idea, to be honest. Y’know, I think I really caught the flu or something,” he tried to make the lie sound as believable as possible, “and I’d hate for you to get sick. We’re _friends_, right?” He grinned nervously. “If I get worse, I’ll text you and you can bring some of that stuff over, alright?”

Hayato seemingly deflated. “You sure?”

“Absolutely.” He coughed in his hand to get the point across. “I promise.”

Hayato sighed once again. Tendou had never seen the man across him sigh that often. “Alright. I trust you. You know you can call me anytime. Don’t text me though, I kind of lost my phone.” He smiled softly at Tendou and grabbed his discarded jacket – when had he even taken that thing off?

“I’ll see you sometime around, I guess.”

Tendou felt almost bad for the guy, but he couldn’t take his words back. He waved as Hayato turned around to close the door behind him.

It fell shut with a soft _thud, _keeping the icy cold outside, but Tendou felt like it had already made itself at home in his heart.

* * *

Spring came by and took over winter's place. Instead of the ironlike taste that the biting cold brought with it, the early spring air smelled of blooming flowers and fresh grass. Tendou savoured every ray of sunshine that made its way into his dorm room. Living on the lowest floor had its perks, but this wasn’t one of them. He kicked away a stray chips-bag and sighed, longingly staring out of the window into the bright spring morning. Why did he have to be stuck inside with an essay? This sucked.

Tendou groaned and let his head meet the hard surface of the table, wincing slightly. This whole task was stupid – _Find purity in its rawest form. Include a typed essay (min. 4 pages, max. 10 pages) and the photograph (any size) that you think represents it perfectly. Explain what it means to you and why you made this decision. Present it to the class (20-30 minutes)._

He didn’t even have a goddamn _picture _yet. His day possibly couldn’t get any worse than this.

Tendou clicked his tongue and got up, not caring that the scraps of paper he’d written his shitty ideas on went tumbling everywhere. He grabbed his polaroid, deeming it the best option for the task and his messenger bag, hastily stuffing his key, a few snacks and an energy drink into it. Slipping on his shoes, he went outside.

He’d never really wandered around Tokyo all that much, despite living here for almost two years now. The thought of meeting familiar people had always kept him from doing it, but now he was too desperate to care about that.

On his way he stopped at a little French bakery to pick up a quick breakfast, consisting of a flat white and a jam-filled croissant, which he ate on the go.

After a few wrong turns that had left him in some pretty shady parts he’d reached the gates to a park – the sign in front of it read _Shinjuku Gyoen. _Shrugging he went into it, not quite knowing what to expect.

The view hit him full on and took his breath away. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom, petals swaying softly in the wind and reflecting in the clear lake water. Bridges stretched over breathtaking ponds and people had laid down colourful picnic blankets, creating a swirl of contrasting colours, and were quietly chatting among themselves.

Tendou decided to stroll through the park, taking in all the sensations around him and almost feeling overwhelmed. _  
_

He neared the riverside to take some pictures of the ducks he’d spotted from afar when he noticed someone in a hoodie throwing something at them. Carefully he snuck closer, noticing that they were feeding the ducks… corn? Tendou whipped his phone out to google if ducks actually ate corn and – yep they did. Apparently it was better for them than bread. He whistled lowly at the new information. He’d have to remember that.

With his curiosity satisfied he took a step back as to not disturb the stranger, whose hood had been pulled up, when he slipped on a spot of grass still wet with dew and went down tumbling, clutching his polaroid as to not crush it. A shriek escaped him and he immediately clamped his mouth shut. There was no chance in hell the stranger hadn’t heard him.

Said stranger turned around, squinting at him. They got up and rushed over to him, warm voice slightly panicked. “Oh my god, are you alright?”

Tendou frowned, the voice sounded familiar. He nodded as he grabbed the hand the stranger had offered him, letting the other male pull him up. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks,” he confirmed again.

The stranger gasped. “Oh my, I almost didn’t recognize you with your hair down! It’s so good to see you, Satori!”

The redheads’ hand went up to his hair to feel around. The usual spikes weren’t there. How could he have forgotten to style his hair? He noticed movement in front of him and redirected his focus – the guy had pulled his hood down and smiled softly at him.

Reon.

His hands were still half-raised as if he didn’t quite know if he should still fuss over Tendou or not

Tendou’s mouth went dry and he squirmed under the other’s attentive gaze. “Oohira,” he stated.

Reon’s eyes hushed down to the polaroid still clutched in his hands. His knuckles had turned white. Hastily he let his hands drop to his side, loosening his grip.

“Ah, I do remember Hayato saying that you went into art,” Reon chuckled lightly. “Is that why you’re here right now?”

He nodded quietly, not trusting his mouth to not say anything stupid.

“Why don’t you sit down with me for a while? We could just talk while I feed the ducks.”

Tendou shrugged noncommittedly, despite knowing better. “Yeah sure, why not.”

Reon made a pleased noise and turned around, leading him back to the spot where he’d been sitting before Tendou had disturbed him, picking the can of corn up once again.

Tendou settled down next to him, crossing his legs and gazing into the pond. The can of corn popped right into his peripheral view and he raised his head to see Reon looking at him expectantly, holding the tin can out to him. Confused he took a handful and – what was he supposed to do again? He panicked for a second and shoved the corn kernels into his mouth, chewing fast.

Reon stared at him.

“Oh, was I- was I supposed to feed the ducks?” He asked belatedly.

The other boy’s eyes widened and he broke out into laughter. Clutching his stomach, he bent over and couldn’t control himself anymore. It took him a few minutes to calm down again and when he did he wiped some stray tears from his face. “No it’s-“ he stopped to clear his throat- “Sorry, I meant to say it’s alright.”

Tendou never felt dumber than in this moment. “So, uh, what are you doing here?” He asked slowly to mask his embarrassment.

Reon turned to face the ducks once again, having enough tact to let this faux pas of his slide. “I don’t have class today,” he spoke calmly. “And I like to come to this park in the mornings. It reminds me of home – I used to feed the ducks there too. But you’re here for a reason as well, aren’t you?”

It irked him that Reon could dodge his questions that fast and turn them onto him again. “I guess so,” he mumbled. “It’s really stupid.”

Reon grinned, but it looked genuine. “That’s what friends are for. You go to them when there are stupid things making your life hard,” he joked.

This goddamn word. It always had to come back to him, didn’t it? He dug his nails into the palm of his hand and smiled. “You’re right.”

Reon silently nudged him to continue speaking, so he did. He was such a sweet guy, you just wanted to open up to him. It always had been like that, and apparently that hadn’t changed.

“It’s just- ugh, I have this really weird task, you know, and-“ he froze up, thinking of something. _Pure. _Reon was the purest person he knew. Semi was sarcastic and witty, Wakatoshi stoic and reliable, Yamagata energetic and funny, and Reon was just – _pure. _He always listened when someone had problems, he loved helping them, he kept the team from tearing each other apart, he was selfless.

Excited, Tendou scrambled to get up, knocking over the can of corn in the process, but he couldn’t care less. “Can you get under this tree there for a moment?”

The other boy stared at him, not understanding anything but complied nonetheless. Reon knew better than to question Tendou’s antics. He went up and stood the cherry blossom tree, cocking his head slightly. “Is this okay?”

Tendou shook his head, motioning for him to get closer to the tree. Something missed. He scooped up the half empty can of corn and strutted over to press it into Reon’s hand. “Can you position yourself so the ducks are in the picture as well?”

Reon nodded, scooting over closer to the edge and crouching down near one of the ducks.

Trying to get the perfect shot was difficult with a polaroid – but he felt confident. One try. He raised the camera and his finger hovered over the trigger until – _click. _

Impatiently he waited for the picture to develop, screeching loudly when it did. “This is perfect!”

The picture portrayed Reon as he held his hand out to the duck, the shadow of the tree partly obscuring his body. Light fell across smiling face as the duck picked at the corn kernels in his hand.

Reon deemed it safe enough to leave his position and strolled over casually, peeking at the picture. “So what was the task?”

Tendou grinned at him. “Not gonna tell you. But I’ll send a copy of it to you if you wa-“ he froze up in the middle of the sentence, realising what he was about to say.

Reon smiled softly at him, always so understanding. “I’d be very happy about that. ”

Tendou gulped. He couldn’t possibly take this back now. “Ye- yeah, sure. Ah, you know what, I think I’ll leave to work on the project right now. It’s due tomorrow, you know,” he lied.

“Mhm,” Reon’s hum sounded convinced and Tendou mentally patted himself on the shoulder. “Maybe we should take some pictures together sometime. Although not right now I don’t have my phone with me – one of my siblings spilled some juice on it so it’s currently being repaired.”

“I’ll think about your offer,” his red face probably matched his face at this point. He shuffled from one foot to the other. “I- I’ll see you around, yeah? See you.”

And with that he turned around, rushing through the park and back to his dorm.

The sun bore down on him almost painfully now, it felt hotter than it had any right to be. Spring never felt so suffocating.

vball theerd yeer chet  
  
**Today** 2:34 PM  
Hayato  
you guys wanna meet up laterz?  
Reon  
We haven't in a while. Sure.  
Eita  
yeah, i'm in as well. it's not like i've got anything better to do. where though?  
Hayato  
how about @mine? like, 6pm??  
Wakatoshi  
I will be coming as well. Will Satori be there?  
Hayato  
idk, its not like hes been there the last few times after all  


vball theerd yeer chet  
  
Reon  
I guess we'll see?  
Eita  
i mean, he's reading our messages after all, so...  
Wakatoshi  
I do hope he decides to come. Satori, if you happen to read this, please join us.  
Eita  
please don't be so formal, wakatoshi  
Eita  
it makes me feel old  
Wakatoshi  
Ah, you must excuse me.  
Reon  
Knock it off, you two.  
Hayato  
lmao cya  


Tendou chucked his phone onto his bed after rereading the chat and groaned, stuffing one of his pillows into his face to muffle the sound. Why did they still do this?

His mind swirled with all kinds of different thoughts, almost bursting. He flopped onto his stomach, checking the time once again. 6:43 pm.

4 missed calls.

Why were they so persistent? They got nothing out of this.

He decided to give a listen to the voice mails they’d left.

**[6:12pm] From: Hayato**

“Hey dude, where ya at?” There was excited chatter in the background. “Please come over, we miss you. It’s no fun without you, you really know how to make a gathering pop!” Something clattered in the background and Hayato screeched. “Eita, what the fuck! Get down from there!” A voice resembling Semi’s shouted something like ‘Never!’ and Tendou could feel himself smiling ever so slightly. “Anyway,” Hayato sounded stressed. “If you change your mind, you know where we are. The others miss you.”

**[6:20pm] From: Semi**

“Satori, this is important. Listen to me.” Semi sounded kind of winded. “I’m stuck on one of the shelves.” Tendou snorted. “Don’t ask why, that’s not important. I’m not coming down until you come over. No negotiation is manageable.” He sounded smug, as the clamour in the background went on. Shreds of ‘oh my god, get him down before he breaks something!’ and ‘just leave him be’ sounding on. “They keep trying to get me down, but they aren’t going to! But you know what would be way more fun?” Despite himself Tendou held his breath, expecting the answer to the rhetorical question. “If you were here to fucking mix up this boring-ass adult meeting! They all act like fucking adults here! God, someone save m-.”

The voice-mail ended with Semi screaming as something went to the ground, audibly bursting. The corners of Tendou’s mouth lifted upwards.

**[6:31pm] From: Reon**

“Satori, please come over,” Reon’s voice pleaded, sounding ever so concerned. “I never thought I thought I’d ask you to resolve a situation like this.” He sighed. “Eita jumped from one shelf to the other as the one he’d occupied fell. You probably heard it. I’ve locked myself in the bathroom until further notice.” Tendou cackled as he imagined poor, sweet Reon taking refuge in Yamagata’s bath. “Semi absolutely refuses to come down unless you show up, I- please, come over for just a few minutes?” He sounded to exasperated.

**[6:40pm] From: Ushijima**

“Satori, this is Ushijima. I humbly request you to come over.” There were screams in the background but Wakatoshi continued as if nothing was going on. “We would love to spend time with you, especially Eita, as it currently seems. Both Hayato and Oohira seem clueless as to how to resolve the situation and I have to admit that I have no idea either.” Wakatoshi paused for a second and someone yelled into the speaker, but it was unintelligible. “Yes, I think so too, Hayato. Please think about it.” And then he added a sentence Tendou would never have expected from him. “Your friends need you. We all need you, Satori.”

Tendou closed the app, but he couldn’t make himself actually delete the messages. These didn’t- they didn’t sound fake at all. He furiously wiped at his eyes and got up, grabbing a light jacket to step out into the dusk.

Warm red bled into cool blue, creating a layer of indigo.

The walk to Yamagata’s – his friend's? – apartment wasn’t long. His mind still went wild during the short trip, creating all sorts of scenarios. Nervously he chewed one of his nails.

Before he realized it he stood in front of a sweet, little apartment building, hand hovering over the old-fashioned doorknocker. He gulped and steeled himself for what he was about to do. This was what he wanted. He _wanted_ to see his friends. No matter how much he’d denied it, he had missed them. They were the best - the only – friends he’d ever had.

Tendou breathed in deep and knocked. Almost immediately the door flung open, nearly hitting him in the face. He grinned, eyes half lidded, at an exasperated looking Hayato.

“I’m _so _glad you came. Eita’s on the shelf, Oohira locked himself in my bathroom – I really thought he’d be a bigger help in trying to get Eita down, but no – and Wakatoshi, well, he’s as always I guess?”

He stepped aside to let Tendou inside into the lit-up apartment. “That’s what friends are for. Helping each other with stupid problems. And besides, I’ve always wanted to be an exterminator. Where’s your insect repellent?”

He’d just have to try to make this work and believe the lies his brain fed him a little less. It’d be a lot of hard work, but with friends like this he could surely pull this off. He had tried to push them away so hard, yet they always came back to him, accepting him as one of their own and dealing with his flaws and imperfections – loving him despite, or maybe especially because of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I tagged this as Mental Health Issues, because this literally is unhealthy behaviour. Doubting every little action and reading into it will only fuck you up. You have to be able to trust your friends. If you feel you're in a position similar to Tendou's, don't be afraid to seek help!
> 
> I have multiple headcanons for Tendou 
> 
> 1\. Hes best boi  
Thats it.
> 
> And if you're wondering, the other two numbers in Tendou's phone belong to his mother and Goshiki. You can pry the fact that he's Tendous fav kouhai out of my cold, dead hands.
> 
> i tried really hard with the formatting and it still looks shitty but im not gonna spend more time on that


End file.
